by Flor Valdes, PhD, Postdoctoral Resident

Low sexual desire is common among both women and men, and it does not mean there issomething “wrong” with you or your relationship. Desire can change across different seasons oflife—especially during times of high stress, parenting, pregnancy or breastfeeding,perimenopause or menopause, illness, emotional strain, or relationship disconnection.Medications, including some antidepressants, as well as pain or vaginal dryness can also affectinterest in sex.It can help to shift away from the question, “Why don’t I want sex?” and toward a morecompassionate one: “What does my body, mind, and relationship need right now?” For manypeople, desire is not always spontaneous; it may show up after there has been time for relaxation,emotional closeness, affectionate touch, or pleasure without pressure.Small possible intentional activities: make room for nonsexual connection, such as a walktogether, a longer hug, a phone-free conversation, cuddling, massage, or simply going to bed atthe same time. Intimacy does not have to lead to intercourse to be meaningful.Open communication can make a real difference. If you have a partner, try talking about whathelps you feel connected and what makes sex feel difficult, rushed, uncomfortable, or expected.You might say, “I miss feeling close to you, and I would like us to find ways to reconnectwithout putting pressure on either of us.” Couples who communicate openly and honestly oftenstrengthen emotional connection, which can support sexual intimacy over time.If low desire is causing distress, affecting your relationship, or comes with pain during sex,dryness, persistent fatigue, mood changes, or concern about medication side effects, considerspeaking with an OB-GYN or other healthcare provider. A medical check-in can help identifyphysical contributors, while individual or couples therapy can offer a private space to explorestress, body image, past experiences, communication, and intimacy patterns. Counseling, couplestherapy, mindfulness-based approaches, and sexual-skills education are recognized componentsof care for sexual concerns.